So today I shot my first “look ” . It was painfully awkward. To try to act like I know what I’m doing. Thankfully my husband learned a thing or two from me about the camera and takes really great pics in my opinion but it was grueling to be on the other side, not being able to control how I looked, to be possibly caught looking unflattering on record. I love fashion, I’m borderline obsessed. I love clothes, but had this super funky love hate relationship with it. To the point I wouldn’t even tell others how obsessed with fashion I was because I was afraid that I would be judged like ” seriously? You’re too fat to be into fashion – 90 % of designers don’t even make the clothes in your size.
I haven’t even announced that I started this because I was terrified of being judged. They would see the post and go “What does she think she’s doing?” because we aren’t used to seeing normal to curvy to plus size girl fashion bloggers. Do I deserve to be pretty too?
So I dressed super dumpy for a long time, only shopping the clearance racks of target ( no judgement, target is the shit ) but never investing in how I looked because I didn’t want to encourage myself to stay that size. So many women I’m sure can relate. Anyway , long story short – starting last year I starting overhauling my wardrobe in hopes that I would find the me that feels really happy with myself in the mirror or in photos. That is still a DAILY struggle. I have a hard time sometimes putting on amazing pieces because look in the mirror and go “I can’t pull this off” and throw it back in my closet. I’m really tired of that. Why can’t I rock this? I love Beyonce’s “I woke up like this” lyric so much I almost made that my blog URL ( but someone already had to – sigh ). But it totally goes back to – we are flawless the way we are. I hate that media has made us to feel so terribly about ourselves. That we should feel bad about feeling good about who we are – We should be striving for the impossible thigh gap! (if you have a thigh gap, I’m not hatin’ – I would love to have one so my jeans wouldn’t get a hole rubbed through them 3 months in from all my thigh friction) Nonetheless, why is only the impossible for our own bodies appealing?
This blog for me is a therapeutic way to look at myself despite my flaws, rolls , blemishes , frizzy hair – whatever it is … and say I look good. ( Say it with me girls ” I look good” ). It’s hard to acknowledge in our superficial world that people are always going to judge you based off how you look. It’s even hard for me posting photos of myself being a total dork – trying to look cool and fashionable ( while totally feeling like a tool acting like I’m casually crossing the street ). BUT I have hopes that this will help me and others start to look at themselves and say “Well if she can wear that, why can’t I ?” That this will be a place of encouraging woman to love our bodies – no matter the size. Every woman struggles with SOME feature of themselves – Even supermodels. We shouldn’t have to be the impoverished beautiful – we also shouldn’t forget that beauty isn’t the only thing we have to offer. We have brains and do awesome stuff that makes the world better and have to ability to make humans for crying out loud. So lets stop the war on woman, and start embracing who we really are. I’m really pumped about a feature on my blog that is call ” Haute girl of the week” photographing normal women with awesome style and personalities ( beauty inside and out is HAUTE! ) – so look forward to that!
So with that , my first “fashion post” of myself. It’s pretty tame for the first round – didn’t wanna get cray cray up in here….yet.
Sunglasses : Prada
White leather jacket : Guess
Jeans : Gap
Gray Shirt: Gracie
Belt and Watch: Michael Kors
Shoes and purse : Aldo
Gold necklace : Tiffany
Lipstick : Velvet Teddy – MAC